Create and post original jokes, based on the crew below. The most original and one that makes us laugh the most gets 750 geo`s. Post as many as you like and no restrictions on alliances on this one...hey you all can enter...good luck. ;charge

your mama is so stupid that when i caught her talking into an envelope i stopped and asked her what she was doing and she said she was trying to send a voice mail

Ooo.. jokes based on the crew, who could resist?!

Brendo's mama is so fat the reason why the hands shaking are 2D is because she sat on them!

This had better not require more groveling...

your mama is so stupid that when i caught her talking into an envelope i stopped and asked her what she was doing and she said she was trying to send a voice mail

heard it before, not original.

Games Master's mama is so fat not even an Oreck vaccuum could pick her up

Luke walks into a pub. The bartender asks him, "what'll you have?"
Luke says, "Give me three pints of Guinness please."

So the bartender brings him three pints and he proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. He then orders three more.

The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one."

Luke says, "You don't understand. I have two friends, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So right now, my friends have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together.
The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition.

Every week Luke went to the pub and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more.

The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your friends died."

Luke said, "Oh, me friends are fine----I just quit drinking."

OK, not orriginal either but is any joke orriginal?

what can go up a chimeny down but cannot go down a chimeny up?

an umbrella.

oops, forgot the staff

what can go up a chimeny down but cannot go down a chimeny up?

an umbrella.What can go back up the chimeny?

araT.

Othafa I thought that was funny I have never heard that one before.

Othafa I thought that was funny I have never heard that one before.

Agreed, Go othfa!! ;pupok

Dr Luke had slep wiv 1 of his patients & felt guity. NO matter how much he tried, the sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every one in a while he would hear an internal voice say 'dont worry about it, U rn't the 1st doctor 2 sleep wiv 1 of ur patients n u won't b the last and ur single.

But invariably, the other voice would bring him back down to earth saying
'LUKE YOUR A VET' :p

Agreed, Go othfa!! ;pupok

Dr Luke had slep wiv 1 of his patients & felt guity. NO matter how much he tried, the sense of betrayal was overwhelming. But every one in a while he would hear an internal voice say 'dont worry about it, U rn't the 1st doctor 2 sleep wiv 1 of ur patients n u won't b the last and ur single.

But invariably, the other voice would bring him back down to earth saying
'LUKE YOUR A VET' :p

O great I killed the thread! :( ;lose

Okay this one is not really original either and apologies in advance to Princesssunshine. ;)
--------------
Princesssunshine went to a party and won the lucky door prize. Upon receiving her prize she asked what it was.

The man says, "It's a thermos."

Princesssunshine asks, "What does it do?"

"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

"That's great!" She says as she goes on her way.

The next day Princesssunshine goes to work with the thermos tucked under her arm.

Tara who is her boss asks what she is carrying.

"A thermos" replies Princesssunshine.

"What does a thermos do?" asks Tara.

"It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold." says Princesssunshine.

"That's handy," Tara responds, "What do you have in it?"

Princesssunshine replies "2 cups of tea and an ice-cream."

Damn Silent Lucidity, have you got a camera in my house, how the hell did you know that happened!! ;)

Though in princess's case it's be 2 cups of tea!

See signature about tea and war if you don't get it

And now a song!

Llama llama Remix

here's a Blitzkrieg
there's a Blitzkrieg
and another little Blitzkrieg
fuzzy Blitzkrieg
funny Blitzkrieg
Blitzkrieg Blitzkrieg
Mercury

Blitzkrieg
cheesecake
Blitzkrieg
tablet
brick
potato
Blitzkrieg
Blitzkrieg Blitzkrieg
mushroom
Blitzkrieg
Blitzkrieg Blitzkrieg
Mercury

i was once a treehouse
i lived in a doghouse
but i never saw the way
the Tara banned the fool
i was only three years dead
but Huxy told a tale
and now listen, little Brendo
to the safety rail

did you ever see a Blitzkrieg
kiss a Blitzkrieg
on the Blitzkrieg
Blitzkrieg Blitzkrieg
tastes of Blitzkrieg
Blitzkrieg Blitzkrieg
Mercury

half a Blitzkrieg
twice the Blitzkrieg
not a Blitzkrieg
farmer
Blitzkrieg
Blitzkrieg in a car
alarm a Blitzkrieg
Blitzkrieg
Mercury

is THIS how it's told now?
is it all so birq?
is it made of ghetto bob?
doorknob
ankle
cold
now my princesssunshine is getting thin
i've run out of Luke
time for me to retire now
and become a Mercury

Never noticed the song said llama so much, orginal version here (http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/llama.php)

Don't worry code monkey's, you're song will be here soon enough...

I will try a couple here.

Church was in full swing ..... Pews were packed..

Suddenly, Luke appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate.

Soon everyone had left the church except for Getto Bob who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seeming oblivious to the fact that God's ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Luke walked up to Ghetto Bob and said, "Don't you know who I am?

Ghetto Bob replied, "Yep, sure do."

"Aren't you afraid of me?" Luke asked.

"Nope, sure ain't." said Ghetto Bob.

"Don't you realize I can kill you with a word?" asked Luke.

"Don't doubt it for a minute," returned Ghetto Bob, in an even tone.

"Did you know that I could cause you profound, horrifying, AGONY for all eternity?" persisted Luke.

"Yep," was the calm reply.

"And you're still not afraid?" asked Luke.

"Nope," said Ghetto Bob.

More than a little perturbed, Luke asked, "Well, why aren't you afraid of me?

The man calmly replied, "Been married to Princesssunshine for 48 years."

Mercury, a local law enforcement officer, stops a car for traveling faster than the posted speed limit. Since she's in a good mood that day she decides to give the poor fellow a break and write him out a warning instead of a ticket.

She asks the man his name. "Luke," the man replies.

"Luke what?" the officer asks.

"Just Luke," the man responds.

When the officer presses him for a last name, Luke tells her that he used to have a last name but lost it. Mercury thinks she has a nut case on her hands, but plays along with it.

"Tell me Luke, how did you lose your last name?"

Luke replies, "It's a long story, so stay with me.

I was born Luke Dingaling. I know, funny last name. The kids used to tease me all the time, so I stayed to myself. I studied hard and got good grades. When I got older I realized that I wanted to be a doctor. I went through college, medical school, internship, residency, finally got my degree, so was Luke Dingaling, MD. After a while I got bored being a physician, so I decided to go back to school. Dentistry was now my dream. Got all the way through school, got my degree, so I was now Luke Dingaling, MD, DDS. Got bored doing dentistry, so I started fooling around with my assistant. She gave me VD. So I was Luke Dingaling, MD, DDS with VD. Well, the ADA found out about the VD, so they took away my DDS, so I was Luke Dingaling MD with VD. Then the AMA found out about the ADA taking away my DDS because of the VD, so they took away my MD, leaving me as Luke Dingaling with VD.

Then the VD took away my dingaling, so now I'm just Luke."

Mercury walked away in tears laughing.

My others were decent but this one has to be the winner.

After a long night of making love, Birq notices a photo of another man on Arat's nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry.

"Is this your husband?" he nervously asks.

"No, silly," she replies, snuggling up to him.

"Your boyfriend, then?" he continues

"No, not at all," she says, nibbling away at his ear.

"Is it your dad or your brother?" he inquires, hoping to be reassured.

"No, no, no!!!" she answers.

"Well, who in the hell is he, then?" he demands.

"That's me before the surgery."

Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.

Okay last one and I will give some others a chance here.

Luke and Amy, an old couple no sooner hit the pillows when Luke passes gas and says, "Seven Points."

Amy rolls over and says, "What in the world was that?"

Luke replied, "It's fart football."

A few minutes later Amy lets one go and says "Touchdown, tie score."

After about five minutes Luke lets another one go and says, "Aha. I'm ahead 14 to 7."

Not to be outdone Amy rips out another one and says, "Touchdown, tie score."

Five seconds go by and Amy lets out a little squeaker and says, "Field goal, I lead 17 to 14."

Now the pressure is on Luke. He refuses to get beaten by a woman, so he strains real hard. Since defeat is totally unacceptable, he gives it everything he's got, and craps in the bed.

Amy says, "What the hell was that?"

Luke says, "Half time, switch sides."

Brendo's mama is so fat the reason why the hands shaking are 2D is because she sat on them!

I feel so privledged to be the first to be picked on :D

There is a variation on othafa's one, where the guy finds religion, and thats why he doesnt drink

Cmauney is going well...there were some good ones before them, but then i got to his and was rofl

Gen42 was my pick :D I'm so vain


I was singing along!

Princesssunshine was driving down the M18 one day, i say driving but she was just crawling along holding all the traffic up.
So finally the police pulled her over, the officer walks up to the car and ask's her why is she going so slow, is there a problem with the car? and she just shakes her head says no and points to a road sign nearby.
The policeman laughs and say's no madam M18 is the name of the motorway not the speed, you can do 55mph on the motorway. so princesssunshine say's thank you i didn't realise that.
Just as the officer is about to walk away he notices Luke araT and Mercury siting in the back seat looking white as ghosts and sitting in a pool of their own Sh!t up to there knees.
And he says my god whats wrong with them?
princesssunshine says dont worry about them we have just come off the M180.

Inexperienced Curry Taster
Notes from an inexperienced curry taster named Frank, who was visiting Phoenix, Durban from the U.S.

"Recently I was honoured to be selected as a judge at a curry cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (couple of local Indians) that the curry wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event."



Curry # 1: Manoj's Maniac Mobster Monster Curry
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.

JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavour. Very mild.

FRANK: Holy ****, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These char o's are crazy.



Curry # 2: Applesamy's Afterburner Curry
JUDGE ONE: Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight Jalapeno tang.

JUDGE TWO: Exciting BBQ flavour, needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

FRANK: Keep this out of reach of children! I'm not sure what I am supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich manoeuvre. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.



Curry # 3: Farouk's Famous Burn Down the Barn curry
JUDGE ONE: Excellent firehouse curry! Great kick. Needs more beans.

JUDGE TWO: A beanless curry, a bit salty, good use of red peppers.

FRANK: Call Colesburg, I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now, get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back; now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting ****-faced from all the beer.



Curry # 4: Barbu's Black Magic
JUDGE ONE: Black bean curry with almost no spice. Disappointing.

JUDGE TWO: Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish or other mild foods, not much of a curry.

FRANK: I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it, is it possible to burn-out taste buds? Savathree, the bar maid, was standing behind me with fresh refills; that 300 lb. ***** is starting to look HOT, just like this nuclear waste I'm eating. Is curry an aphrodisiac?



Curry # 5: Laveshnee's Legal Lip Remover
JUDGE ONE: Meaty, strong curry. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

JUDGE TWO: Curry using shredded beef; could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne peppers make a strong statement.

FRANK: My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her curry had given me brain damage. Savathree saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from a pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off? It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those char o's!



Curry # 6: Vera's Very Vegetarian Variety
JUDGE ONE: Thin yet bold vegetarian variety curry. Good balance of spice and peppers.

JUDGE TWO: The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, and garlic. Superb.

FRANK: My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulfuric flames. I **** myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair. No one seems inclined to stand behind me except that slut Savathree, she must be kinkier than I thought. Can't feel my lips anymore. I need to wipe my ass with a snow cone!



Curry # 7: Sugash's Screaming Sensation Curry
JUDGE ONE: A mediocre curry with too much reliance on canned peppers.

JUDGE TWO: Ho Hum, tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of curry peppers at the last moment. I should note that I am worried about Judge Number 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress as he is cursing uncontrollably.

FRANK: You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel damn thing. I've lost the sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with curry which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava-like **** to match my damn shirt. At least during the autopsy they'll know what killed me. I've decided to stop breathing, it's too painful. Screw it, I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4 inch hole in my stomach.



Curry # 8: Hansraj's Mount Saint Curry
JUDGE ONE: A perfect ending, this is a nice blend curry, safe for all, not too bold but spicy enough to declare its existence.

JUDGE TWO: This final entry is a good, balanced curry, neither mild nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge Number 3 passed out, fell over and pulled the curry pot down on top of himself. Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor Yank, wonder how he'd have reacted to a really hot curry?

FRANK: (editor's note: Judge #3 was unable to report)

One day Father Luke was standing silently behind little Brendo(7) when suddenly little Brendo started cursing profoundly.

Father Luke quickly pulled on his shoulder and said, "little Brendo you shouldn't curse like that, the devil will come and get you, you should be affraid.

Little Brendo turned around with a serious look on his face and said, "NO father YOU should be affraid cause your the one talking **** about him every sunday."

One day little Brendo was driving his box car down the street.

Everytime just as he passed Father Luke, the wheels of the box car fell of and little Brendo cried out, "o, my God...o, my God...o, my God!!!"

The Third time this happens Father Luke whent over to little Brendo and told him that "the Lord does not like it when we use his name in vain, so instead of saying o, my God, say Hallelujah."

Surely the next time little Brendo passed Father Luke in his box car the wheels fell of again and just as that happened,

Little Brendo cried : "Hallelujah, Hallelujah, Hallelujah"

And suddenly the wheels jumped back on.

Father Luke : "o, my God...o, my God...o, my God"

Q. What do you get when you combine Brendo and ghetto_bob?

A. I don't know either, but it's funny that you pictured them "combining"....if you know what I mean. ;ikiss

Q. What do you get when you combine Brendo and ghetto_bob?

A. I don't know either, but it's funny that you pictured them "combining"....if you know what I mean. ;ikiss

HAHA, I'm loving being the brunt(sp?) jokes :D

Mercury and Ghetto_Bob were friends that both owned different bars and both played GEwar, one day:

Mercury: wou won't believe who walked into my bar today.

Ghetto_Bob: Who?

Mercury: Luke.

Ghetto_Bob: NO WAY, what did he order?

Mercury: He didn't order anything, it kind of knocked him out.

(okay, no english corrections, please :hand ) :p

Luke and Game_master were walking when Luke suddenly found a lamp.

Game_Master, with his great Sonic speed, ran as fast as he can and grab the lamp, before Luke.

While they were fighting each other...
"I found the lamp!! So it is mine!!" Luke said
"But I took it first, so this lamp belongs to me" Game_master replied.
"blablabla" Luke said
"blobloblo" GM replied again....

During this harshed nice talking, of course the genious appeared, and guess who was he, I mean, she? it was Arat Genious!!! :666 When she saw that there were 2 people there fighting each other to give wishes, she decided to give only one wish per person.

Luke and Game_master refused to accept only one wish each, but after Arat Genious told them that if they don´t stop whining, she will ban them both from the earth, they stayed muted*. :sealed

"Game_master, once you grab the lamp first, you can have the first wish", Arat told.

Of course, Luke became very very envious with this, once he was the one who found the lamp.

With all greed from his heart, GM wished:
"I want everything that Luke asks to you, but in double!!!!!"
"Okay, your wish is my command. So, luke, what do you want?" Arat asked.
Luke was thinking: "Damn, f****ing GM, he is the greediest person in the world. But he won´t win this time. I can´t have less than him".
"So, what do you wish, Mr. Bald Man? Do you want hair in your head?" Arat teased Luke...
"No, I want that you punch ONLY ONE of my eyeballs with an ice-pick" :evil

Moral of the story: Arat is more important than Luke, and Luke is more important then GM. The end. :beat

Then the VD took away my dingaling, so now I'm just Luke."

hmm, english is not my native tongue, so, why people usually laughs here? :confused:

hmm, english is not my native tongue, so, why people usually laughs here? :confused:A VD is a disease, a dingaling is.. well what's a word I can use here? I guess for some you could say it's kinda like a 3rd leg if you get what I mean..

A VD is a disease, a dingaling is.. well what's a word I can use here? I guess for some you could say it's kinda like a 3rd leg if you get what I mean..
hehe, thanks a lot! My doubt was the "vd". Dingaling is an universal world, probably understood by everybody with more than 2 years world ;) , lol

If a big stork delivers big babies,
and a small stork delivers small babies,
what delivers no babies?

A big swallow

1) The positive orgasm - "YES, YES, oh YES, YES, YES!!!"
2) The negative orgasm - "NO, NO, oh NO, NO, NO!!!"
3) The religious orgasm - " GOD, GOD, oh GOD, OH GOD!!!"
4) The fake orgasm - "LUKE, LUKE, oh LUKE!!!!!!!"

Princess Sunshine's brand new Mazda is damaged in a hail storm. Covered in dents, she takes it to the repair shop, and asks if they can fix it.

The repairer, noting Princess' gullible nature replies, "Sure, but you could save a lot of money and do it yourself!"

"Me?" she asks, "how could I possibly fix this damage?"

"Easy...all you do is put your lips to the car's exhaust pipe and blow as hard as you can. You are going to have to blow very hard, and it takes a very long time, but this way, you can save yourself a lot of money."

Believing the man, Princess Sunshine drove home, and with her car parked in the driveway, got down on her knees and began to blow very hard until she was out of breath and just about to give up.

Just at this time, araT happened to be walking her dog and saw Princess Sunshine. She wandered over and said, "what do you think you are doing?"

Princess Sunshine explained what the man had told her and what she was attempting to do.

"You idiot!" exclaimed araT, noticing the source of the problem immediately. "How can you expect to blow the car back up while all the windows down?"

(The characters and incidents portrayed and the names used herein are fictitious and any resemblance to the names, character, or history of any person is coincidental and unintentional.)

Create and post original jokes

We should have a seperate Sticky thread for jokes that are copy and pasted from the World Wide Web. ;bxing

Thanks for going to the trouble of making the word original so obviously large and bold, but how can any joke be entirely original? It's like trying to compose an original piece of music these days - it can't be done - everything samples something that came before it. Even if you try to be completely original, it will always have some elements of something that's been used before.

What is the basis for originality in this contest - one that no one on this forum has heard before, or one that can't be google searched for. If we restrict to the later, I'm pretty sure with a little bit of time to perform a thorough search, I'll be able to exclude any joke submitted....

1) The positive orgasm - "YES, YES, oh YES, YES, YES!!!"
2) The negative orgasm - "NO, NO, oh NO, NO, NO!!!"
3) The religious orgasm - " GOD, GOD, oh GOD, OH GOD!!!"
4) The fake orgasm - "LUKE, LUKE, oh LUKE!!!!!!!"

Original jokes are what i wanted but this was gonna happen...This one did make me laugh...

Original jokes are what i wanted but this was gonna happen...This one did make me laugh...

I agree, he's got my vote, its the best one I've read so far.

1) The positive orgasm - "YES, YES, oh YES, YES, YES!!!"
2) The negative orgasm - "NO, NO, oh NO, NO, NO!!!"
3) The religious orgasm - " GOD, GOD, oh GOD, OH GOD!!!"
4) The fake orgasm - "LUKE, LUKE, oh LUKE!!!!!!!"


HAhahaha..
I've never heard that one before.

1) The positive orgasm - "YES, YES, oh YES, YES, YES!!!"
2) The negative orgasm - "NO, NO, oh NO, NO, NO!!!"
3) The religious orgasm - " GOD, GOD, oh GOD, OH GOD!!!"
4) The fake orgasm - "LUKE, LUKE, oh LUKE!!!!!!!"This wasn't original? Not just jumping on the band wagon with everyone, just never heard it..

Still not as good as mine though!

Also, what's looks exactly the same, is made up of pieces exactly the same, and pools it's wealth for everyone to get equal shares from? Lenin!

Yeah, no one had any yet so that's the top of my head...

Luke, Lenin and the Games Master were exloring the Amazonian rainforest when they were captured by cannibals. The cannibal Queen, araT, told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three went separate ways to gather fruits.

Lenin came back first and said to the Queen,
"I brought ten apples." araT then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed and eaten.

The Games Master arrived and showed Queen araT ten berries. When she explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

Lenin and the Games Master met in heaven. Lenin asked,
"Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"
The Games Master replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw Luke coming with pineapples."

araT the tramp walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a toothpick. The bartender frowned but said okay, and gave her the toothpick, and she walked back outside again. A few seconds later another tramp, G42, walked in and again asked for a toothpick. The bartender was confused, but agreed and gave him a toothpick as well. G42 then walked back outside again.

Then, a third tramp came in, and the bartender recognized him as Luke. The bartender said: "Let me guess, you want a toothpick don't you?"
But Luke replied: "Actually I want a straw, you see someones been sick outside but araT and G42 got all the lumpy bits."

Luke put this date ad in his local paper:

A tall, well-built woman with good
reputation, who can cook frogs
legs, who appreciates a good fuc-
shia garden, classical music and tal-
king without getting too serious.
But please only read lines 1, 3 and 5.

The Games Master was teaching the GEWar community punctuation. He told everyone to correctly punctuate this sentence:

"A woman without her man is nothing."

All the men in the GEWar community wrote this:

"A woman, without her man, is nothing."

But all the women wrote this:

"A woman: without her, man is nothing."

I love all 4 of those suicidal!

None of them are original. Mwuahaha ;dance ;82 ;dance

A guy goes out hunting one day but can't seem to nab any deer. Getting bored he lays back in his blind starts to snooze. All the sudden he is awakened by a snapping of stick and branches. Thinking it is a deer, he hurredly loads his rifle and gets ready to blast "the deer". Much to his suprise though, two hikers appear out from the brush and seeing a gun pionted at them they become VERY disturbed. Quickly apologizing to the hikers, the hunter asks them if they would like to do a little hunting with him. So the first hiker says, sure thing! and the other guy says, "Im game." BLAM!!" ;uzi The hunter shoots him.

Ok ok ok, maybe that was a little long, (and corny) but it sure beats the other "yo mama" jokes previously posted here.

Luke, Lenin and the Games Master were exloring the Amazonian rainforest when they were captured by cannibals. The cannibal Queen, araT, told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three went separate ways to gather fruits.

Lenin came back first and said to the Queen,
"I brought ten apples." araT then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed and eaten.

The Games Master arrived and showed Queen araT ten berries. When she explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

Lenin and the Games Master met in heaven. Lenin asked,
"Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"
The Games Master replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw Luke coming with pineapples."

;banana ;bravo Very good this one...

Sorry Luke, could be Watermelons ;)

hahahah...

atleast i go to heaven

Ok ok ok, maybe that was a little long, (and corny) but it sure beats the other "yo mama" jokes previously posted here.Yours may have been better than the yo momma jokes, but Huxy's momma beats all, and I'm not talking about jokes ;)

Luke, Lenin and the Games Master were exloring the Amazonian rainforest when they were captured by cannibals. The cannibal Queen, araT, told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three went separate ways to gather fruits.

Lenin came back first and said to the Queen,
"I brought ten apples." araT then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed and eaten.

The Games Master arrived and showed Queen araT ten berries. When she explained the trial to him he thought to himself that this should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

Lenin and the Games Master met in heaven. Lenin asked,
"Why did you laugh, you almost got away with it?"
The Games Master replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw Luke coming with pineapples."

heard this one about three years ago, probably why nobody realized it wasn't original.

hahahah...

atleast i go to heaven
Yeah, with an apple stuck up your butt!!

Here's a few cheesy ones:
Your mamas so fat, she has other little fat mamas orbiting around her!
Your mamas so fat, she has to wear two watches cos she takes up two timezones!

Er... has everyone forgotten this thread?

After making a huge effort Mr. Games Master graduated from medical school and was sent to a remote underserviced area to start his practice and to his surprise there were only males in his town. After a while he began to feel kind of lonely without any female contact, specially during the lonely nights.

So, one day he asked to one of his patients how did they managed ta satisfy their sexual needs in a male only society like their town and his patient told him to go to the river and to follow the example that he was going to see there…

The next morning he walked to the river and he was shocked to witness what was happening: There was a big line behind a donkey…

Dr. Games Master was so shocked when he realized he was living among a zoophilic society but when he was going to turn around his patient, the one he asked the day before, saw him and told everybody that Dr. Games Master needed to do his “stuff”. So, everyone greeted him and let him go to the front of the line, right behind the donkey…
“Well, now what I am going to do now?” was wondering Dr. Games Master… “If I say NO, my patients will feel offended and, in the other hand, I am really urged”… So he started to do it with Mr. Donkey, again, again and again… ;charge
After a while and realizing that everybody was watching him in awe he heard someone asking him: “Are you going to be done soon?... you know, we use the donkey to cross over the river to the Girls town… we don’t know how to swim but Mr. Donkey does…” :D

Here comes a story that Cyber Nun defined as "dishonest, impudic, shameless and evil". For those of you who don't like or can't read stories that are dishonest, shameless, etc. stop reading now and skip until it reads THE END...
AraT died and arrived to GEWar's heaven and was greeted by St. Birq, master of heaven's door keys. While exchanging pleasantries AraT heard an awful pain scream coming from behind heaven's doors. "What was that?" she nervously asked. "It was Princesssunshine who came just before you -answers St. Birq- they are drilling two holes into her back in order to install her wings". AraT was starting to assimilate that information when she heard an even more terrifying cry of pain an she asked "and what was that?". St. Birq calmly answered "It was Blitz, who arrived before Princesssunshine, and they are drilling a hole into his scull to install his aureole". After hearing that AraT franctically and decisive said to St. Birq "I don't want to be here any more, I rather go to hell". "Do you really realize what you are saying? -asked St. Birq- in hell the will rape you, sodomize you". After two seconds of thinking, and with a big smile, AraT replies to St. Birq "Might be so, but for those I already possess all the needed orifices and wont need any drilling..."

THE END...

Whats worse than being pissed off??

Being pissed on!!

Why did Helen the gamemasters dog jump off a cliff?

You would too if your name was Urrggraahhgrrrrh!!

my cat could make a better song than that and its dead. honestly some people these days. they ll sing anything for money.

;ranting

I've heard that joke in at leat 100 hundred different ways. its really old. i've heard it with water melons, presidents and sooooooo much more

Whats worse than being pissed off??

Being pissed on!!

ive heard that joke in so many movies come on you can do better than this :furious

Why did Helen the gamemasters dog jump off a cliff?

You would too if your name was Urrggraahhgrrrrh!!

This joke is very mean, very funny, and very out of context.

Whats worse than running over the games master in a truck? :growse

Skidding on him! :growse

Whats even worse than that? :growse

Peeling him off the tyres!! :growse

Soz, these are a bit gross. :growse :growse :growse :growse

Thanks to all who entered, and the prize goes to Tukamotton, for post number 54 (http://www.gewar.net/forums/showpost.php?p=61995&postcount=54)...well done geo`s to follow..... ;smoking ;icoffee

Tuka went to celebrate his success in the jokes contest and got drunk (too much tequila...) and while he was walking back home he got lost and entered into the graveyard and felt into an open tomb where he felt asleep...

Next morning he woke up with a huge hangover and still in some sort of obnubilation..."Where the hell am I?" he wondered... His rational mind made him sit down and considered the situation...

"Let's see -he thought- I have only two options, either I am dead or I am alive... If I am alive, what the heck I am doing in a tomb? And, if I am dead, why the hell I need so urgently to go and pee?"...


Congratulations Tuka