鲁克：李宇春和芙蓉姐姐同时掉水里，你手里有一块砖，你砸谁？
暴强回复：谁救砸谁。
-----------------------

鲁克：我把我家的狗给揍了！地震它也不告诉我，平时叫得那么欢，刚才地震时竟像没事似的在窝里 睡觉！
回复：唉，毕竟不是亲生的……

---------------------------

鲁克：请用一句话形容中国国家地震台。
回复：事后诸葛亮，事前猪一样！
---------------------------
鲁克：昨晚遛狗时俺们家大藏獒和小树林边一秃毛野狗咬起来。干！没想到藏獒竟然大败给一条草狗 ！！！
猫扑沙发：****，爷秃之前，他们都叫我狮子！

---------------------------
鲁克：上大学我跳过课、挂过科、甩过人、被甩过、打过架、记过过、破过处……哎，能干的我都干 过了～
回复：你死过吗？

---------------------------

鲁克：我喜欢上了一个比我小6岁的女孩，还在上初中，真是造孽啊。
猫扑暴强回复：把喜欢两字去掉才真是造孽。
---------------------------

鲁克：大家都来讲一个开头KB，中间好笑，结局悲惨的故事。譬如从前有个鬼，放了个屁，然后死 了。
回复：遇到芙蓉姐姐，爱上芙蓉姐姐，娶了芙蓉姐姐……
---------------------------


鲁克：每天对着单位那群白痴说话让我感到前途很渺茫……
回复：幸福吧你～因为对牛弹琴并不可怕，可怕的是一群牛每天对着你弹琴！
---------------------------

鲁克：深圳南头一卖菠萝的女摊贩情急之下咬下城市管理者叔叔的小JJ……
回复：哼！你不让我生活，我就不让你享受生活！！！
---------------------------

鲁克：其实牛顿只是幸运地发现万有引力定律，要是早生三百年，我也可以！
回复：的确是幸运儿，因为砸到他脑袋上的是苹果，而砸到可怜鲁克脑袋上的不是榴莲就是椰子……
---------------------------

鲁克：是被人叫大叔惨还是叫弟弟惨？
猫扑暴强回复：大叔你弟弟出来了。
---------------------------

鲁克：城市管理者增加新武器来抓流浪狗！
猫扑暴强回复：本是同根生，想煎何太急。
---------------------------


鲁克：为什么越来越多人不想要小孩呢？
猫扑暴强回复：北京派来的高官说了，要从娃娃抓起。
---------------------------


鲁克：今天见男网友对方一直暗示想上床，想问：难道现在网友见面就是为了上床？
猫扑暴强回复：网友见面不上床？你开什么玩笑，大家都这么忙。
---------------------------

鲁克：一学生，成绩年年倒数第一，常与人打架，按领导要求老师想给学生好 听一点的期末评语，怎么写啊？
猫扑暴强回复：该生成绩稳定，动手能力强。
---------------------------


鲁克：通过海南矿泉水喝死人事件，可以看到中国的食品安全堪忧，矿泉水也 能喝死人？不是有QS标志吗？
猫扑暴强回复：弱弱的问一下，QS是不是去死的意思？
---------------------------


鲁克：男人你要李宇春还是章子怡？
猫扑暴强回复：一个公鸡，一个野鸡，都不选
---------------------------

鲁克：养条狗和养一个男人哪个合算？
猫扑暴强回复：大婶，即使你能把男人当狗使，但你敢把狗当男人使不？
---------------------------


鲁克：老婆生了个女娃，非常可爱，求各位帮爱女起个有气势的名字，鄙人姓成。
回复：成鸡思汉。
---------------------------


鲁克：我有一百万，想买一辆车，大家给个建议吧。
猫扑回复：你可以卖30辆QQ，组个车队开，一会排成S型，一会排成B型。
---------------------------


鲁克：王小丫跟陈章良结婚，请用四个字评论。
猫扑回复：丫从良了！
---------------------------

鲁克：大家说我长得像不像伍佰？
猫扑回复：只有一半像！ （二百五？？！！）
---------------------------


鲁克：给我一个女人，我就能创造出一个民族！
回复：嗯，给你一头母猪，明年的肉价就能下跌！
---------------------------

鲁克：大家猜猜我是哪个国家的混血儿^_^
猫扑回复：中国人＋变形金钢！
---------------------------

鲁克：女友总说自己胸小，我觉得还可以啊，请 GG们帮忙鉴定一下～
猫扑沙发：后背上长俩青春痘！
---------------------------


鲁克：假如我有一亿人民币，我就可以贷款在汤臣一品买房子了！
猫扑回复：嗯，不过你还要先借钱交物业费～
---------------------------


鲁克：他今天山盟海誓说我是他生命中的一部分，我是他身体中的一部分，如果没了我，他就活不下 去啦~
沙发：我的前男友也是这么说的，后来我才知道，我是他盲肠、阑尾、仔耳、六指这类可有可无的玩 意儿！


-------------------------------
鲁克：老娘我简直太有钱了，我该给保姆买辆什么车呢？
回复：那就要看她跟你老公发展到什么关系了～
-------------------------------


鲁克：该死的理发店把我头剪坏了！大家出点损招，要求破坏性越大越好，动静越小越好，因为是我 一个人去。
地下室：半夜三更，月黑风高，静静地、轻轻地，一个人吊死在理发店门口……
-------------------------------


鲁克：我得了健忘症怎么办？
回复：那岂不是很爽？每天早晨醒来发现睡在自己身旁的都是不同的女人~
-------------------------------


鲁克：你小时候曾幻想长大以后什么样的场景会让你在众人面前出尽了风头？
板凳：挑一担粪上街，看谁不顺眼就迎面给他泼一瓢！
-------------------------------


鲁克：为什么pol.ice抓坏人时都要鸣警笛？难道不怕坏人老大远就听到跑了？
沙发：上级单位来检查之前一般都会事先通知下级单位的～
-------------------------------


鲁克：为什么生下的孩子要跟父亲一个姓？
沙发：因为取款机里吐出的钱归插卡人所有。
-------------------------------


鲁克：帅有个屁用——到头来还不是被卒吃掉！
回复：帅有士陪，有炮打，有马骑，有车坐，有相暗恋……帅怎么不好？！！
-------------------------------


鲁克：征集骂人最狠且不露脏字的一句话。
回复31：你妈生你的时候是不是把人扔了，把胎盘养大了？
-------------------------------


鲁克：为什么胡主席访问日本，日本方面比较冷淡，甚至机场连欢迎标语都没挂？
沙发：怎么挂？热烈欢迎中国老朋友来日？　　
-------------------------------


鲁克：你们女人大夏天的戴胸罩不热吗？
回复：我们不带你们会热……
-------------------------------


鲁克：我新买了一处庄园，有多大说出来吓死你——我开车绕一圈足足用了两个半小时！！！
沙发：嗯，以前我也有这么一辆破车～

鲁克：还记得吗以前我经常和你爸爸下象棋。有一次，你爸爸只剩下一个象，我只剩下一个士。于是，我提议让象 和士都过河，你爸爸答应了。你爸爸就用他的象象我，我就用士士你爸爸。你爸爸又用他的象象我，我就又用士士 你爸爸。你爸爸象我，我士你爸爸.你爸爸像我，我士你爸爸.......

Hi141 - I post here in peace, I'm just wanting to show how useless online translation is for Chinese!

Luke: Sister Furong Li and out of the water at the same time, there is a brick in your hand, you hit who?
Strong storms Re: Who hit who save.
-----------------------

Luke: I put my dog to beat it! It does not tell me the earthquake, usually screamed so Huan, just nothing like an earthquake feverish sleep in the nest!
Re: Well, after all, not own the ... ...

---------------------------

Luke: Please describe in one sentence of China National Seismic.
Re: after the fact, like pigs in advance!

---------------------------
Brook: Men last night, when walking the dog and the big mastiff edge of the wood of a bald wild dogs together. Dry! Tibetan Mastiff actually did not expect a big loss to grass dog! ! !
Mop sofa :****, bald before God, they call me the lion!

---------------------------
Luke: I skipped classes in college, hanging over Branch, extraordinary rejection, being left off, a fight, demerits too, breaking off at the ... ... hey, I have done a competent ~
Re: you died before?

---------------------------

Luke: I liked a little more than 6 years old girl I am, still in junior high school, really commit a sin ah.
Strong storm Mop Re: get rid of the word like that is really commit a sin.
---------------------------

Luke: We have a beginning in terms of KB, the middle of funny, tragic story. For example, a ghost once, put ass, and then died.
Re: Sister Furong met, fell in love with Sister Hibiscus, Sister Furong married ... ...
---------------------------

Luke: the group of idiots talking day in front of unit makes me feel very uncertain future ... ...
Re: Well now you ~ because casting pearls before swine is not terrible, terrible day in front of a group of cattle you playing!
---------------------------

Luke: Shenzhen South head of a female street vendor selling pineapple so he bit off a small city managers Uncle JJ ... ...
Re: Hmm! You will not let me live, I will not let you enjoy life! ! !
---------------------------

Luke: Actually, Newton's law of gravity is just lucky enough to find, if Early three hundred years, I can!
Reply: It is indeed fortunate, because he hit his head on a Mac, and hit his head on the poor Luke is not the durian coconut ... ...
---------------------------

Luke: It is being called, or called his brother Uncle miserable miserable?
Strong storm Mop Re: Uncle your brother out.
---------------------------

Luke: City manager to add new weapons came for the stray dog!
Mop strong storm response: This is the same root, to fratricidal.
---------------------------

Luke: Why more and more people do not want children?
Strong storm Mop Re: Beijing sent officials said, to start with children.
---------------------------

Luke: Today see the other male friends have suggested to go to bed, ask: Is it to meet anyone is to go to bed?
Strong storm Mop Re: do not go to bed to meet anyone? Are you kidding, we all so busy.
---------------------------

Luke: A student, grades every year countdown to the first, often with a fight, according to leadership requires teachers to give students nicely final reviews, how to write ah?
Mop strong storm recovery: the student performance and stability, strong hands.
---------------------------

Luke: event dead by drinking mineral water, Hainan, China's food safety can be seen worrying, drink mineral water is also dead? Is not a QS logo?
Strong storm Mop Re: Weak weak ask, QS is not meant to die?
---------------------------

Luke: Man you have to Li or Zhang Ziyi?
Mop strong storm recovery: a rooster, a pheasant, not chosen
---------------------------

Luke: What a dog and a man raising cost-effective?
Strong storm Mop Re: ladies, even if you can make a man as a dog, but you can make the dog so that when a man does not?
---------------------------

Luke: his wife gave birth to a baby girl, very cute, ask you to help her daughter with momentum from a name, I surname into.
Re: the chicken into the thinking of Chinese.
---------------------------

Luke: I have a million, want to buy a car, we Jigejianyi it.
Mop Re: You can sell 30 QQ, set a team to open, one will be arranged in S-type, one will be arranged in B-type.
---------------------------

Luke: Chen Liang Wang Xiaoya married with, please use the words comment.
Mop Re: Ah from good to it!
---------------------------

Luke: Everybody says I look a lot like Wu Bai?
Mop Re: Only half of the image! (Hundred and fifty ??!!)
---------------------------

Luke: Give me a woman, I can create a nation!
Re: ah, to give you a sow, meat prices could fall next year!
---------------------------

Luke: Guess what country I am a hybrid of ^ _ ^
Mop Re: Chinese + deformation of magic!
---------------------------

Luke: girlfriend always says he's a small chest, I felt that I could, ah, you have to help identify what ~ GG
Mop sofa: two long pimples on the back!
---------------------------

Luke: If I have a million yuan, I can loan to buy a house in the Tomson Riviera!
Mop Re: ah, but you're going to borrow money to pay property charges ~
---------------------------

Luke: He vows that today, I was part of his life, I was part of his body, if not me, he can not live 啦 ~
Sofa: My ex-boyfriend said so, but then I realized I was his appendix, appendix, Aberdeen ears, six refer to such non-essential stuff!

-------------------------------
Luke: his aging mother I am so rich, I buy a nanny what car?
Re: it depends on the development of her husband to tell you anything to do with the ~
-------------------------------

Luke: Damn the barber shop to cut my head bad! All the points Sunzhao require destructive bigger the better, the smaller the movement the better, because I go alone.
Basement: middle of the night, a dark and stormy, quietly, gently, a man hanged in the barber shop door ... ...
-------------------------------

Luke: how do I got amnesia?
Re: Would not it be cool? Woke up every morning to sleep in their own side, a different woman ~
-------------------------------

Luke: Do you have a child grow up what kind of fantasy will let you in front of the scene stole the show?
Bench: pick a load of manure to the streets to see who dislike his head thrown poured on!
-------------------------------

Luke: Why pol.ice Zhuahuai Ren Ming when the siren to be? Not afraid to hear bad boss ran away?
Sofa: higher-level units to check the advance notice before the usually lower unit ~
------------------------------

Luke: Why keep up the father of a child born last name?
Sofa: Because ATM machines spit out the money go in the card owners.
-------------------------------

Luke: Shuai there ass to use - Death is not the end, eat!
Re: Shuai have disabilities to accompany, a gun fight, might ride, a car seat, have similar secret crush ... ... handsome how bad? ! !
-------------------------------

Luke: Call the most ruthless and does not reveal dirty curse of the word.
Reply 31: When your mother is not at you threw the man, the placenta was raised?
-------------------------------

Luke: Why did President Hu's visit to Japan, Japan more distant, and even the airport did not even welcome sign hanging?
Sofa: how to hang? Warm welcome to old friends of China to Japan?
-------------------------------

Luke: Are you a woman's bra is not big summer hot?
Re: We do not take you will be hot ... ...
-------------------------------

Luke: I bought a new estate, how much say it scared you - I used to drive two and a half full perimeter hours! ! !
Sofa: ah, I used to have such a broken car ~

I think the following sums up Google Translation's efforts when it comes to Chinese text:

http://blogs.riverfronttimes.com/therundown/fail.jpg

http://bbs.zj.chinamobile.com/attachments/month_1002/100217115639edf41ceab3ec1b.gif

RagingMongoose ,you will nver know what happened when you on the chute board

RM DO NOT SLEEP PLS OR ... ...

http://bbs.zj.chinamobile.com/attachments/month_1002/10021711567b107aa2b865fdd9.gif

http://webpages.charter.net/cowgirltoffee/rollin-retard.gif

猫扑上的
变态楼主于暴强回复
实在太逗了
还有“度娘 你知道的太多了” 不知141看过没有

度娘的，，没看过，我百度一下

同事到外地出差，当地的同事热情好客，当晚便在一特色酒店的包间设宴接风。男男女女十几个人落座后便不停的 聊天，只有一个人在点菜。点好了，征求大伙儿意见：“菜点好了，有没有要加的？”
这种情况，我们在北京一般是让小姐把点过的菜名儿报一遍。于是一位北京的哥们儿说：“小姐，报 报。”
小姐看了他一眼，没动静。
“小姐，报一下！”哥们儿有点儿急了。
小姐脸涨得通红，还是没动静。
“怎么着？让你报一下没听见？”哥们儿真急了。
一位女同事赶紧打圆场：“小姐，你就赶紧挨个儿报一下吧，啊。”
小姐嗫嚅着问：“那，那……就抱女的，不抱男的行吗？”
“噗！”边上一位女同事刚喝的一大口茶全喷前边人身上了。十几个人笑做一团，小姐更是不知所措。

上菜了，先上一个拌拉皮儿。一大盘拉皮儿端上来，接着是几碟儿配料、酱汁儿什么的。小姐上菜的时候没留神， 一滴酱汁儿洒在一位哥们儿的裤子上了。那哥们儿也是成心逗闷子，假装阴沉着脸问小姐：“怎么办 呀？”
小姐很冷静地说：“怎么办都行。”
“那你说怎么办？”
“您想怎么办就怎么办？”
“那你们这儿一般是怎么办的？”
“要不俺帮您办？”
“好呀。”
只见小姐麻利的把几碟儿配料、酱汁儿一股脑倒在拉皮儿上，一手拿筷子，一手拿
勺子，刷刷几下就拌好了。然后对那哥们儿说：“先生，拌好了，可以吃了。”
哥们儿努着眼珠子瞪着那盘子拉皮儿半天没说话，另一位同事替他跟小姐说了声“谢谢”。

上主菜了——烧羊腿，一大盘肉骨头，一碟子椒盐儿。一位北京哥们儿酷爱这口儿，
毫不客气的抓起一羊腿，咔嚓就是一口，呱唧呱唧的大吃起来。小姐一见，说道：
“先生，这个要蘸着吃。”
哥们儿将信将疑的看了看小姐，又看了看当地的同事。当地的同事说：“蘸着吃好吃一些。”
哥们儿于是拿着羊腿站起来，咔嚓又是一口。
小姐赶紧过来问：“先生，您有什么需要吗？”
“啊？没有啊。”
“那请您坐下来吃。”
哥们儿嘀咕着坐下来，看了看大伙儿，茫然若失。小心翼翼的把羊腿拿到嘴边，小心翼翼的咬了一口 。
小姐又说：“先生，这个要蘸着吃。”
哥们儿腾地一下站起来，挥舞着羊腿怒气冲冲的嚷：“又要站着吃，又要坐着吃，到底怎么吃！？”

酒菜满席，领导跚跚而来。
满座起身相迎，一片寒喧之声。
旁边侍宴的小姐甚美，新来，经验不丰，颇有些紧张。
众人落座，有人招呼：“小姐，茶！”
小姐忙近前用手指点：“1、2、3、4、5、6、7，共七位！”
众人哂笑，领导补充曰：“倒茶！”
小姐忙又“倒查”了一遍：“7、6、5、4、3、2、1，还是七位。”
有人发问：“你数什么呢？”
小姐犹豫了一下小声答道：“我属狗。”
众人怒，急呼：“叫你们经理来！”，经理入，垂手讪笑，问：“诸位，传我何事？”
领导曰：“别多问，去查查这位小姐年龄属相。”
经理纳闷，依命而行，旋来回复：“18岁，属狗！”
领导大笑，众人大笑。领导海量不做追究，众人雅量不便追究。
小姐、经理如坠五里云雾。

酒过三旬，上来一道菜：“清炖王八！”
众人皆喜，然未忘规矩，有人以箸拨王八头曰：“领导动动，领导动动！”
领导看着被拨得乱颤的鳖头，心中不悦，既不愿谐了此言的尾音又不愿违了众人美意，于是乎持勺酌汤，曰：“好 ，好！大家请随意。”
又有人奉称曰：“对――王八就该喝汤！”领导气得几乎喷饭。
未几，汤将尽，有物圆圆浮出，问：“小姐，这是什么？”
小姐忙答：“是王八蛋。”众人又惊喜：“领导先吃，领导先吃！”
这此领导没听到“晦气”之言，甚悦，唤小姐：“给大家分分！”
良久，小姐不动，领导怒问：“怎么，这也分不清楚吗？”
小姐为难的说：“七个人，六个王八蛋，您叫我怎么分啊？”
众人听罢，个个伸脖瞪眼，满口美食，难以下咽。`

甚是经典。+998 改日贴出人人的